I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
