even my farts smell like vagina
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
