Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
