You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
