Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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