your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
