I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
