whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
