I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize