Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
