why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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