Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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