so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
false alarm. still invincible.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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