can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize