It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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