hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize