Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
