Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
