I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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