She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
