Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
