That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize