The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
