look no pants
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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