i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
