plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize