he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I would fuck him just for his dog
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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