And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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