I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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