I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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