Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
