so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
