i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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