it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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