Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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