why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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