so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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