My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
