I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
