even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize