I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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