you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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