We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
