Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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