The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
