I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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