I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
