Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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