Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
nutella sex= disaster
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
