Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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