I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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