So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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