youre lurking in front of me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
