Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize