Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
