literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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