You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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