Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
