Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
