My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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