I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
