i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
