He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
