did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
