It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
