Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
