I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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