this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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