bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What did we do last night that was yellow?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
