I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
