His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
