I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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