I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
