You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
